Is this what you thought the future would be?
I’m not talking about cars that drive themselves (badly). Think about your family. For some, family get-togethers are as vibrant and well attended as they were 40 years ago. For others, a once large and raucous group has been reduced to a scattered few.
What changed?
Illness? Divorce? Estrangement? Job relocation? A far away move?
Controlling events is not a realistic pursuit. Setting up an estate plan that strengthens a family is definitely within your control.
Lawyers do not have social engineering degrees. We cannot make a child love their parent nor a parent feel affection toward a child. We can only point out hard truths. To a parent, “Who else is going to advocate for you and manage your care as you age?” To a child, “Who else is going to provide financial support and regular free babysitting services?”
Pragmatism aside, there is an implied contract in these sentences: I am there for you and you are there for me. You are both weaker and poorer without each other.
This is where estate planning comes in. Setting up a trust to ensure financial protection and support for a family strengthens the entire family. Children who know there is a plan in place do not have to stress that their parents’ decline will financially burden them.
Parents who plan ahead and communicate their plan to their children have a better chance of working together than families that do not plan.
There are two futures: One has a disconnected, offended parent who has been disappointed by their children (and their children’s spouses) and goes it alone. The parent gets sick and relies on a flawed healthcare system, aging spouse and ambivalent children. An unwilling caregiver is like having no caregiver at all. The end result is money wasted and a dysfunctional long-term health care and estate plan.
The other future is this: The aging parent wakes up and realizes their children are not such bad people. They work to form a better relationship and include them on estate planning decision-making. Instead of putting up barriers, parents and children work harmoniously together. Money is saved and utilized by multiple generations.
Long-term health care planning goes smoothly with a home care solution that evolves with the parent’s needs.
I know that some broken family relationships will remain broken. The wounds are too deep. In those cases, we look for siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins and good friends to pick up the slack. For the rest of us, when your child calls you to seek your help, think about how much they really mean to you and how strong your family can be if everyone works together.
Maybe they will do the same for you when you call them.
Alan D. Feller, Esq., is managing partner of The Feller Group, located at 625 Route 6, Mahopac. He can be reached at alandfeller@thefellergroup.com.
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