Right around Labor Day 1990, my grandmother made an announcement. She spoke softly to all of us seated with her at the Riverdale Diner. It was a Sunday, early afternoon.
“I am retired.”
We all knew what she meant. After 48 years, her Thanksgiving cooking and hosting days were over. To my middle-aged parents, this was a shocking development.
How could these mere mortals replicate a meal worthy of Mt. Olympus?
That first year involved a pre-ordered, deli-prepared turkey and trimmings. Salty and sad were my thoughts. The year 1991 saw a change in approach. My dad wrote down the world famous stuffing recipe and the step-by-step Turkey preparations. The measurements were originally in pinches and then converted to actual numbers.
Canned cranberry sauce was going to happen – grandma or no grandma. Dad and mom faithfully recreated the food portion of my grandmother’s Thanksgiving for the three of us. But they could not recreate the feeling that resulted from grandparent, parent, sibling, child, and grandchild laughing together.
How do we show Thanks? Does buying a last-minute gift card at CVS count?
Nah. We include all of our special people in our estate planning. Roles need to be filled – executor, trustee, beneficiary, agent under a power of attorney, and health care proxy. There is no magic formula. You choose your trusted family members and friends. They are granted pieces of your legacy and are authorized to protect your resources.
Giving thanks means acknowledging all the good fortune that came your way and paying it forward. Thoughtful estate planning involves nuance. What will really benefit your loved ones?
Sometimes the answers are simple: paying for college or placing a down payment on a home for your children.
Other times, transferring assets to a trust will help sustain a loved one through life’s difficulties.
Listening to the people who matter is another way to give Thanks. Dropping a turkey leg on your sister’s plate made sense, at the time. However, a funny look did cross her face – your sister, the vegetarian.
Effective estate planning involves matching the right people for the right positions, and knowing their strengths and weaknesses does not happen by accident. A capable ear can discern truths that may be useful for a client’s long-term planning, and family members may hold opinions on financial planning which match yours. Trustees are born out of such conversations.
Thanksgiving is a day to be present. Absorbing details, tasting decades-old recipes, and joining in the laughter are parts that make for a beautiful Thanksgiving. And if your grandmother is considering retirement, try talking her out of it.
,The professionals at The Feller Group, P.C. wish you and yours a wonderful Turkey Day.
Alan D. Feller, Esq., is managing partner of The Feller Group, located at 572 Route 6, Suite 103, Mahopac. He can be reached at alandfeller@thefellergroup.com.
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