I was annoyed. The Viennese table was surrounded and there was no way I was going to break through that fortress of big-bodied pastry lovers.
But I had one slight advantage: at 10 years old, I couldn’t care less about the coffee station perched at the end of the table. Luckily, some of the cake-eaters shifted a few feet closer to the coffee urns, allowing me to squeeze my tiny frame into a gap and grab a tiny cannoli.
The occasion? I have no clue.
It could have been an engagement, anniversary, or birthday party. In those years I was dragged to an endless array of family functions, most of which were forgettable – except for that feeling of dessert helplessness that has stayed with me. In my mind, at that moment, there were too many family members in my way.
How naïve I was. Being the only child of an only child, I should have recognized the precariousness of a family’s size. All of those people grabbing napoleons and cream puffs … gone. Some of them had children, many did not. Of those children, several remained unmarried and the ones who did marry lost spouses fairly young.
My family dwindled.
Look at all the charts, bar graphs, and spreadsheets you like – families have gotten smaller. Solo households made up 7.7 percent of all households in 1940. Today, that percentage hovers around 30.
Planning can be a challenge when your choice of executor teeters between your postal carrier and your accountant.
As we reiterate in these columns, elder care attorneys are not social engineers. Forming relationships, having children, and relocating for work involve timing, philosophies, physics, logistics, and luck that flies way above our paygrade.
What you need is a core group – a collection of family, friends, neighbors, and professionals who could and would help you if you need assistance. For planning to work, you will need a trustee, executor, agent under a Power of Attorney, Health Care Proxy, and Disposition of Remains.
Even if these responsibilities fall to one or two people, prioritize those relationships.
Once your core group is chosen, let them know where you keep your important documents. Hanging a Health Care Proxy on a refrigerator seems like a cliché, but it works. Emergency responders will be able to know who to contact in a health crisis.
For your financial documents, a fire-proof box is preferable.
Solo and small family estate plans tend to have more charitable bequests and specific gifts. We encourage trusts for solos and small families because New York law requires the Surrogate’s Court in the county where a decedent resided to obtain jurisdiction over the decedent’s closest living relatives for Probate or administration purposes.
For many solos or small families, this means that cousin Floyd, who stole your Schwinn in 1977, will have to “sign off” on your estate before your treasured neighbor Rose can inherit that $50,000 you promised, or your local ASPCA receives your donation.
Trusts avoid Probate and avoid the nonsense concerning cousin Floyd; Rose and the ASPCA would just inherit the money directly and easily.
Your plan begins with an idea. The way you lived and the people you touched are all part of your legacy. Whether your family has 75 members or three, following some basic rules will simplify your estate.
Alan D. Feller, Esq., is managing partner of The Feller Group, located at 572 Route 6, Suite 103, Mahopac. He can be reached at alandfeller@thefellergroup.com.
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